TA and COVID19

It's April 2020 as I write this. Tomorrow I will be 83. Not sure what TA says about this idea of mine, but my experience is that time seems to be different for me the older I become. One thing that seems to happen is that the clock races around every day so that the minutes and hours seem to be much shorter than they used to be, so that I don't seem to be able to accomplish as much in a day as I used to do - of course, in my Adult, I am well aware that it is me that has slowed down, rather than the clock speeding up.

But now the world is dealing with COVID19 - a virus pandemic, and I am 'under orders' from our Irish government as a person over 70 years of age, to 'cocoon' in my home - not to go out, and to wipe door-handles after someone has to come into the house to give me support like doing my shopping for me.
On the radio I become aware that feelings are high among the population in general about various aspect of the situation.

So I started thinking about Eric Berne's idea that there were only four authentic feelings, and I wondered how these would relate to what is happening in my own life just now.
Berne suggested Anger, Loss, Fear and Joy as the Authentic feelings.
And my memory of the way I learned about this was as follows:
Anger is the emotion I feel in the present moment which energizes me to deal with an invasion of my boundaries by 'pushing away' the invader.
I suspect that the implication is that it is a human invasion that is referred to as somehow me getting angry at the virus doesn't seem very Adult to me.
I don't feel angry at the regulations that have been imposed as I see the reason for them. But on the internet I see examples of very angry people demanding the restrictions be lifted, But to me the protestors seem to be more in their Child rather than their Adult, and these protestors come from countries where those in authority seem to be Controlling Parent in the way the restrictions are imposed.

I certainly feel a sense of cultural loss at the numbers of people who are dying - last night I heard that a newspaper in the US published thirty pages of deaths just in one city. Loss is the emotion of sadness in the event of 'irreparable loss', and death is surely that.

Fear is different. From what I remember what I was told about authentic fear is that it refers to Fear as the emotion that I feel when I can see the impending danger near me and it energizes me to take evasive action to avoid the danger.
I think this means that if in my Adult I have information about a potential danger to me, I can make preparations to keep myself safe, But fear about things that might or might not happen is counter-productive and can prevent the kind of rational thinking that is needed to prepare for a potential danger.

So by observing the quarantining/cocooning regulation, I am acknowledging that there is a potential for infection with anyone I come in contact with. So I avoid them in practical ways, but without the fear that would complicate the normality of my life.

Finally what about joy? I seem to remember that joy involved being able to say from my Adult, regardless of the details of my current day that I'm OK, You're OK, Other People are OK, and what's happening is ultimately OK even if I can't understand the value of what is happening day to day.

This is probably the most challenging of the emotions: For example, how can I say that it is OK that all those people are dying, that it is OK that there are not yet enough testing kits, not enough PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) for front-line workers, so many angry protestors on the streets, so many politicians seeming to be unable to make the kinds of decisions that are needed? Worst of all, how can I say that what is happening is OK when there seem to be at least some people selfishly making a profit out of the whole situation?

Well, I did say "what is happening is ULTIMATELY OK" There is a Recovery idea that I embrace:
To know is to know that we don't know"
This saying helps me to maintain my own OKness, based on my life experience that when I look back, after the event, no matter how bad things looked, there was always a silver lining of OK-ness in among the parts I didn't like.
That's what I'm hanging on to today. Everything is OK and will be OK so long as I keep my eyes open to the two sides of every story, including COVID19