PRIORITIZING
PRIORITIZING
TAI workshop at Watermill, Tallaght
April 8 2006
SCHEDULE
- Welcome
- Ground Rules
- Theme explanation
- Exercise 1 – Organize set of category cards: Spouse, Children, Relatives, Job/Study, Housework, Hobby, Entertainment, Religion, Prayer
- Exercise 2: Brainstorm on Sabotage circumstances (list on flipchart page)
- Further explanation
- Working Styles
- Contract
What’s PRIORITIZING about?
Definition: (EC) an internal list of the elements of my life, arranged in order of importance.
- Both Conscious and out of awareness usage.
- Too much of Being conscious can lead to agonizing;(Anxious Child)
- Too much of being out of awareness can lead to misuse of scarce resources especially resource of TIME. (Parent Assumptions)
AGONIZING:
A state of uncertainty in which
- In my Child, I am not clear on what Parent ‘really wants’
- In my Parent, I am not clear what is ‘really right’
- Need to get into my Adult , think about what might/could be appropriate and make a decision do it.
- what Child wants,
- what Parent wants
- what the situation needs
Time, talents, skills, people’s availability, opportunity, weather, health, money, materials,
STOLEN TIME
Back to prioritizing again – this day some of the things I have made important have used up time (stolen time) from other things that in my Adult I know to possibly be of higher importance if I wish to reach my goals.
- Trick is to spend Adult time:
- Making a physical list (pencil and paper)
- Assessing ranges of current importance/priority
- Identify and Evaluate values behind current priority decisions.
- Decision-making on flexibility issues (what can be flexible, what cannot.)
- Consider including a regular and built-in review time.
- Exercise 1 – Organize set of category cards: Spouse, Children, Relatives, Job/Study, Housework, Hobby, Entertainment, Religion, Prayer
- Exercise 2: Brainstorm on Sabotage circumstances (list on flipchart page)
- Make Personal Contracts (short and long-term GOALS) regarding the list and review.
Date: -----------------------
- What do I want to accomplish?
- How will I know when I have done this?
- How might I sabotage doing this?
- What do I need in order to do this?
- How will I reward myself when I have this done?
- Practice hard for a limited, relatively short period.
- Check/Review one month later and regularly thereafter and see how much of list has become ‘second nature’ (in other words, healthily out of awareness).
GOAL FOCUS
- If my goals are vague and not clearly in my FOCUS,
- I find it easy to be side-tracked,
- and to go for something for the Child in the immediate
- without taking into account that the same Child part is going to have to suffer more in the future
- when I am puffing about, trying to sort out the chaos I have created.
- Failure to set clear GOALS leads to lack of FOCUS which in turn reduces awareness of DISTRACTION.
- DISTRACTION energizes Child CHOICES or sometimes Parent CHOICES (= non-Adult choices).
- Parent or Child CHOICES indulge WANTS that may or may not be currently legitimate.
- DISTRACTED ACTIONS use energy and TIME extravagantly, leaving little surplus energy/time to supply Child or Parent NEEDS.
TARGET STROKES and Working Styles (adapted from Julie Hay)
- Hurry Ups already get praised for being quick; so set out to get recognition for accuracy as well.
- Be Perfects already get praised for accuracy. Now look for recognition for meeting deadlines and for appropriate levels of detail.
- Everybody already thinks Please People are nice. Now aim for recognition for being assertive.
- Try Hard people already score points for enthusiasm. Now get recognition for finishing tasks - successfully.
- Be Strong people often get low key recognition for not needing help; watch how relationships improve when you let people help you.
posted by Elizabeth McGuire Cleary @ 09:15
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