PRIORITIZING

PRIORITIZING
TAI workshop at Watermill, Tallaght
April 8 2006
SCHEDULE

• Welcome
  
• Ground Rules
  
• Theme explanation
  
• Exercise 1 – Organize set of category cards: Spouse, Children, Relatives, Job/Study, Housework, Hobby, Entertainment, Religion, Prayer
  
• Exercise 2: Brainstorm on Sabotage circumstances (list on flipchart page)
  
• Further explanation
  
• Working Styles
  
• Contract

What’s PRIORITIZING about?
Definition: (EC) an internal list of the elements of my life, arranged in order of importance.

• Both Conscious and out of awareness usage.
  
• Too much of Being conscious can lead to agonizing;(Anxious Child)
  
• Too much of being out of awareness can lead to misuse of scarce resources especially resource of TIME. (Parent Assumptions)

AGONIZING:
A state of uncertainty in which

• In my Child, I am not clear on what Parent ‘really wants’
  
• In my Parent, I am not clear what is ‘really right’
  
• Need to get into my Adult , think about what might/could be appropriate and make a decision do it.

Also can be agonizing because of conflict between

• what Child wants,
  
• what Parent wants
  
• what the situation needs
  

RESOURCES:
Time, talents, skills, people’s availability, opportunity, weather, health, money, materials,

STOLEN TIME
Back to prioritizing again – this day some of the things I have made important have used up time (stolen time) from other things that in my Adult I know to possibly be of higher importance if I wish to reach my goals.

• Trick is to spend Adult time:


• Making a physical list (pencil and paper)
  
• Assessing ranges of current importance/priority
  
• Identify and Evaluate values behind current priority decisions.
  
• Decision-making on flexibility issues (what can be flexible, what cannot.)
  
• Consider including a regular and built-in review time.


• Exercise 1 – Organize set of category cards: Spouse, Children, Relatives, Job/Study, Housework, Hobby, Entertainment, Religion, Prayer


• Exercise 2: Brainstorm on Sabotage circumstances (list on flipchart page)


• Make Personal Contracts (short and long-term GOALS) regarding the list and review.

CONTRACT with myself (Newton & Napper, 2000)

Date: -----------------------

1. What do I want to accomplish?
2. How will I know when I have done this?
3. How might I sabotage doing this?
4. What do I need in order to do this?
5. How will I reward myself when I have this done?

Signed --------------------------

1. Practice hard for a limited, relatively short period.
   
2. Check/Review one month later and regularly thereafter and see how much of list has become ‘second nature’ (in other words, healthily out of awareness).

GOAL FOCUS

• If my goals are vague and not clearly in my FOCUS,


• I find it easy to be side-tracked,
  
• and to go for something for the Child in the immediate
  
• without taking into account that the same Child part is going to have to suffer more in the future
  
• when I am puffing about, trying to sort out the chaos I have created.
  

Conversely, the opposite/reverse is also true.

1. Failure to set clear GOALS leads to lack of FOCUS which in turn reduces awareness of DISTRACTION.
   
2. DISTRACTION energizes Child CHOICES or sometimes Parent CHOICES (= non-Adult choices).
   
3. Parent or Child CHOICES indulge WANTS that may or may not be currently legitimate.
   
4. DISTRACTED ACTIONS use energy and TIME extravagantly, leaving little surplus energy/time to supply Child or Parent NEEDS.

TARGET STROKES and Working Styles (adapted from Julie Hay)

1. Hurry Ups already get praised for being quick; so set out to get recognition for accuracy as well.
2. Be Perfects already get praised for accuracy. Now look for recognition for meeting deadlines and for appropriate levels of detail.
3. Everybody already thinks Please People are nice. Now aim for recognition for being assertive.
4. Try Hard people already score points for enthusiasm. Now get recognition for finishing tasks - successfully.
5. Be Strong people often get low key recognition for not needing help; watch how relationships improve when you let people help you.
   

Remember also that it may be useful to acquire some of the other working styles if you recognise you are heavily into one or two only.