BOUNDARIES versus BARRIERS

BOUNDARIES versus BARRIERS

TAI Workshop May 27 2006, Premier Square, Glasnevin Dublin

DEFINITIONS

BOUNDARY seems to be an ‘I’ statement:

This is where I begin and where you end. (OK/OK)

Mostly based on

• - Facts
• - ADULT information
• - Limitation
• - Protection
• - End/Beginning marker

BARRIER seems to be ‘You’ statement:

You keep out of here. This is my territory(OK/notOK)

Mostly based on

• ·PARENT ‘Rules’
• ·Exclusion
• ·Prevention
• ·‘Keep-Out’

Brainstorm Results

• Good fences make good neighbours
• Cricket Boundary (and advantage)
• Bus lanes as invisible boundaries

• Height as a Barrier
• Gated Community
• Barrier of Mind
• Class Barrier

Other examples of boundaries:

·Limit-line between territories

·The edge of a cricket pitch. Outside this, the ball is ‘out of play’ (defines/contains pitch and non pitch)

·Personal boundary: area of space around a person inside which they feel safe unless another enters that space uninvited, in which case they feel threatened.

POSSIBLE DEFINITION: Culturally agreed behavioural standards regarding touching, proximity, property etc (often unwritten, and unexpressed)

Other Examples of barriers:

·Barrier cream – water/dirt keep out
·Ticket barrier at train: To keep you off the train until you show you have a ticket
·Barrier Reef: To keep out the ocean waves
·Psychological barrier: something that prevents communication
·Highway barrier: to prevent people going off the road into other people’s territory.
·Cultural barrier: prevents communication

STYLES OF BOUNDARIES

·Thick-boundaried people tend to place a large "distance" between themselves and the world -- they tend not to remember their dreams, they tend to be rigid in their beliefs and habits, not to be free in expressing their emotions.

·Thin-boundaried people, on the other hand, seem to live partially in a dream-world, to be permissive and "liberal" in their beliefs, to express their feelings freely, and to be very sensitive to the emotions of others. (http://www.goertzel.org/books/logic/chapter_eleven.htm)

Interesting comment from participant on this idea: Maybe we all have variable boundaries according to the situation and who we are with, being sometimes more or less thick boundaried according to how secure or otherwise we feel

BOUNDARIES & CONFLICT

Boundaries/barriers as element of CONFLICT.

·War

·Disagreement
·Trade Unions
·Bullying

Lack of Boundaries

• ·Is it Immaturity or lack of training?
• ·Courtship
• ·Conversation
• Internet

BOUNDARY ISSUES
Woman in train with feet on seat beside her - Confront or Not?

Spreading pucks and bags into empty seats

Variable extent of boundaries ?no-man’s land/ leading to war

COMMENTS from DISCUSSION

- Boundaries DEFINE

- Barriers CONTROL

- Population shifts lead to boundary changes dealing with resources

- Boundaries to PROTECT

- Noise as SPACE as TERRITORY

- Foreigners and boundaries – only loosen up when they feel at home

LANGUAGE as boundary establishment also way of crossing

BEHAVIOUR as boundary establishment also way of crossing

Example of ESTABLISHING RULES to maintain BOUNDARIES/BARRIERS

·Teach students to never give out their name, school, address, phone number, picture or other personal information to people they meet online, especially in public places like chat rooms and bulletin boards.

·Instruct students to never plan face-to-face meetings alone with online acquaintances.

·Tell students not to respond and to let you know if they receive offensive or dangerous e-mail, chat or other communications

“PUPPY DOG SYNDROME”

TYPE A: Hang-dog

TYPE B: OTT dog

Both effected by low-self-esteem either in puppy or in owner

How to make a HANG-DOG

· Tentative tail wags (I think you’re OK, I want to be OK with you)

· Tail-wags leading to patting (yes you are OK, and I must be OK too, since you are patting/stroking me)

· Boisterous Jumping up (Actually I think you’re wonderfully OK and its great to know you think I’m OK too)

· Leads to shouting down (Uh Oh, maybe you don’t think I’m so OK, maybe I’m not as OK as I thought)

· Several repeats (yeah, obviously you know more than I do, so obviously I’m really not OK)

· Hang-dog slinks away (Definitely, I’m not OK – I wonder why?. I tried as hard as I could to Please you. Obviously I’m not Perfect enough. I definitely amn’t Strong enough to oppose you. I’ll just Hurry away and hide)

How to make an OTT DOG

· Tentative tail wags (I think you’re OK, I want to be OK with you)

· Tail-wags leading to patting (yes you are OK, and I must be OK too, since you are patting/stroking me)

· Boisterous Jumping up (Actually I think you’re wonderfully OK and its great to know you think I’m OK too)

· Leads to raised eyebrows and shoulder shrugs (Uh Oh, maybe you don’t think I’m so OK, maybe I’m not as OK as I thought. But it seems to be OK to keep jumping up. This is fun)

· Several repeats of jumping (Obviously I’m not REALLY OK, but at least I get plenty of attention/strokes when I jump up not like poor HANG DOG who hardly gets any strokes.)

Question 1: How do we teach self-restraint without either breaking the spirit or giving no self-discipline?

Question 2: How do we restore joy if the spirit has been broken?